8 ways to talk to your partner about money, especially when you just started dating

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It’s important to discuss finances with your partner early in your relationship, financial planners say.
But talking about money doesn’t always come easily, so we asked financial experts the best ways to broach the subject.
You should do your homework before you bring up finances, they said, and frame questions in a way that makes it a two-way conversation.
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When you start dating someone, there’s a lot to find out about them — their interests, their values, and how you two overlap (or don’t) on certain things, to name a few.

But what about finances?

When you meet them for dinner, do you ask, "How was your day — and do you contribute to a 401(k) or have any debt?"

"For a lot of people, talking about money may not come naturally," Heather Winston, a financial planner and an assistant director at Principal Financial Group, told Business Insider. "It’s also not likely to come up on your first date either — if you want a second one."

She said that while it’s not something to focus on too early, it’s also not a conversation you want to table until after you walk down the aisle, or worse, when all the bills show up.

"When your relationship is getting more serious, it’s time to have a more frank talk about money," Winston said. "It won’t always be easy, but addressing the difficult conversation will be critical to establishing a strong foundation for your future together."

But talking about money does not always come easily. So we asked financial experts to weigh in on the best ways to talk to your partner about money — especially when you just started dating.

Here’s their best advice.

Talk about your financial expectations early on

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Addressing money conversations early on in a relationship is critical, Anuj Nayar, financial health officer at LendingClub, told Business Insider.

"Waiting until you have a money-related issue means it’s too late, emotions are high, and rash decisions will likely be made," he said. "Talking openly about your financial expectations helps set the stage for a healthy relationship."

When bringing up money, take baby steps

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Although money is a tough subject to bring up, it may be easier if you take baby steps, Nayar said.

"Start with just letting your significant other know your credit score and work up to the big stuff, like planning for retirement," he said. "Not only will this strengthen your relationship early on, but it will also strengthen your financial, physical, and mental health."

Nayar said that in a recent survey conducted at LendingClub, they found that people who discuss their debt and tackle finances head-on were less likely to feel isolated and prioritize other aspects of their health and well-being.

Frame questions as "What if … "

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When bringing up money, there is a way to be inquisitive, yet not too overt.

"Frame questions as ‘What if … ‘" Allison Kade, a millennial money expert with Fabric, told Business Insider. "This way, you can start understanding their underlying psychology by asking broader questions."

Some of her favorite examples include "If you won the lotto, what would you do with the money?" and "If you had to choose between working 90-hour weeks for the rest of your career but making a ton of money and working 20-hour weeks but scrimping, which would you choose, and why?"

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Source: Business Insider – feedback@businessinsider.com (Natalia Lusinski)