- It can be hard to pull yourself away from work.
- But research shows that it’s our relationships outside of work that make us the happiest in the long run.
- Here are seven signs your work is more fulfilling than your romantic relationship.
- Visit Business Insider’s homepage for more stories.
Let’s face it. It can be hard to pull yourself away from work.
All the more so if you genuinely like your career, receive praise and promotions for "burning the midnight oil," and especially when you see execs like Elon Musk and Jack Ma boasting about the extreme lengths they will go to for their careers.
But research has shown that it’s our relationships outside of work that make us the happiest in the long run.
The good news? A few small changes can go a long way in resetting your relationship while still honoring your passion for your career.
Recognizing there’s a problem is half the battle. So here are seven signs your work is more fulfilling than your romantic relationship.
When you say ‘we,’ you’re talking about you and your company, not you and your partner.
Het Nieuwe Instituut/flickr
"Make sure you’re being mindful, because we do live in a culture of your identity being so tethered to your work. It’s very dangerous," Charreah Jackson, author of "Boss Bride: The Powerful Woman’s Playbook for Love and Success," told Business Insider.
If you want to shift away from the company we ("we did really well this quarter") to a more relationship-oriented we ("we are thinking about getting a dog"), Jackson recommends creating rituals with your partner.
For example, you could decide to do something outside together every Sunday or cook together on the first of every month. It’s an easy way to keep your personal life a priority and it gives you something to look forward to on a regular basis.
"One of the things I talk about in the book is when life gets hard, a lot of times it’s not your job or coworkers who will show up. It’s your friends, your partner and your family," she said.
When you receive a text from your partner, it feels more like an obligation and gets an eye-roll.
Derick Anies / Unsplash
Texts from our partners tend to come with an unspoken deadline, Marla Mattenson, a relationship and intimacy coach, told Business Insider. If you don’t respond within a certain amount of time, you know there will be consequences.
The issue here may also not be the sender, but the content. As we get further into a relationship, texting tends to be less about flirting and more about logistics.
"It’s typically not a sexy text or ‘Hey, just sending you lots of love,’" Mattenson said. "It’s probably a ‘When are you coming home’ or ‘Will you pick up these things on the way home.’"
Here, Mattenson recommends modeling. Send your partner the kind of texts you would like to see lighting up your phone. Think about how you can make your texts more fun or playful, even if they are about who needs to pick up the almond milk on the way home. If you feel pressed for time, consider sending an emoji to confirm that you got the note.
"Obviously this depends on your relationship, but if there’s still hope in the relationship, then one of the best things you can do is model the kind of behavior you would like to receive," Mattenson said.
When your coworkers ask about your weekend, you don’t have anything to say.
"If your weekend is just recovering from your week, then your work week didn’t end," Jackson said.
To reclaim your weekend, you may need to be a little more proactive in how you spend your time. What do you value: Activism? Time with friends? Get it on the calendar. Not only is this good in and of itself, it can also translate into a more dynamic relationship.
"That makes you a fun date," Jackson said. "Because your partner doesn’t just want to hear about work either, they’ll want to hear about other things that are happening. So what else is exciting?"
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